


If At First You Don't Succeed

by tigerlady (shetiger)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Episode Related, M/M, Silly, Wacky Ancients
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-06
Updated: 2010-01-06
Packaged: 2017-10-14 11:55:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/148971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shetiger/pseuds/tigerlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some days, Elizabeth felt like she was caught in the middle of a Hope and Crosby routine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If At First You Don't Succeed

Some days, Elizabeth swore she was caught in the middle of a Hope and Crosby routine.

"Oh, please." Rodney's remarks were increasingly scathing, and she still had no clue what was going on. "Like she could have told us anything anyway."

"That's not the point, McKay," John shot back, arms crossed and jaw set.

"Gentlemen, please." She waited until she had their attention. "Somebody explain what happened."

Rodney sighed and waved a put-upon hand towards John. John did his squinty-smile thing at Rodney, the one that was three layers deep in sarcasm, before facing her with a more relaxed, albeit slightly sheepish, smile.

"I was helping Rodney in the hologram room," he started. Rodney snorted, then raised his eyebrows in an innocent look when John stopped. "Like I said, since I'm a really nice person who would never stoop to blackmail to get my way, I was helping out Rodney."

"It was a bribe, not blackmail!"

John barreled right on over Rodney. "He left to grab a part from the control room, and when I looked up, she was standing right there."

"She?" Elizabeth asked.

John nodded. "I couldn't really make out her features, but she definitely seemed female."

"We're so surprised," Rodney said sotto voce.

"Naturally, I assumed she was Morgan le Fay." John spared a glare for Rodney before continuing with his story. "I told her how great it was that she could make it back, and that I hoped she could still help us out."

Elizbeth nodded; she would have said pretty much the same thing. "She couldn't?"

"She wasn't Morgan le Fay."

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

John shook his head. "No. In fact, she seemed a little miffed that I hadn't recognized her. Then she called me by my name, so I assumed that Chaya had decided to visit."

"Of course you did."

"Rodney," Elizabeth warned, and then nodded to John. "Go on."

"Right. So I apologized for the mistaken-identity thing. Then I said I hoped this meant that she had changed her mind about staying out of the fight. But the more I said, the more I could tell she was getting pissed."

Elizabeth stared Rodney down before he could jump in with a comment. He shrugged and tried to pull the innocent look again. "Did you find out why?"

John rubbed the back of his neck. "She wasn't Chaya."

Rodney snorted. Elizabeth covered her mouth with her hand, holding in the smile that was making a break for it. "So, I guess that leaves, what was her name? Teer?"

"You'd think so, wouldn't you?" John stuck his hands on his hips, looking affronted. "I mean, I couldn't make out her face. How the hell was I supposed to know she wasn't?"

Rodney bounced beside her, smug smile plastered on his face as he nearly danced in place. Ignoring him, Elizabeth finally gave into her role as straight man. "So who was she?"

"Mara. Somehow she figured out how to ascend. Or almost ascend. She wasn't real clear about it, but apparently the reason she was all fuzzy was because she hadn't made it all the way."

"First time for everything," Rodney sing-songed.

"I told you I turned her down," John snapped back.

"Oh, right, right. She came back to kidnap you because you're such a gentleman."

"Boys! What happened to Mara?"

John cocked his head towards Rodney, his posture all but screaming _tattletale_. "Rodney zapped her."

"What?"

"I zapped her," Rodney agreed gleefully. "No, I know what you're thinking. 'Zapped' isn't the technical term. But we all know that I know exactly how it works, so let's not waste our time on explanations, hmmm?"

Elizabeth stared at him. "You killed an Ancient? Rodney, how could you?"

Rodney sighed, his eyes rolling nearly all the way back in his head. "Okay, point number one: Not really an Ancient. She wasn't even ascended all the way!"

"That doesn't matter--"

"Yes, yes, whatever you're going to say, Elizabeth, don't bother. Because, point number two: I didn't kill her. I just chased her off this plane of existence." He grinned, wagging three fingers gleefully in their faces. "Which brings us to point number three: I successfully tested a weapon that can be used against the Ori!"

Elizabeth shut her mouth, astonished. Earth and the rest of the Milky Way could use every advantage they could get. But-- "What if she could have helped us?"

"What part of crazy, half-ascended Sheppard-snatcher are you not getting?" Rodney crossed his arms, mouth slanting sourly. "For all the thanks I've gotten, I should have let her take him."

Elizabeth looked at John.

John shrugged. "She might have been a little stalkerish."

"Thank you!"

Elizabeth rubbed at the pressure in her sinuses. "You know what? I'll read the report." And she'd make sure she had her stash of goodies on hand when she did. She waved them off, longing for peace and quiet. They barely acknowledged her as they sauntered towards the door, still bickering.

"You'll thank me for this later."

"Oh yeah? You still need to pay up on that bribe."

"You haven't even finished yet! I'm reconsidering whether you deserve it."

"Is that so?" John paused on the other side of her door, eyes tracking up and down Rodney like he was a really fast plane that John wanted to take for a spin. "Well, I'll just have to convince you otherwise."

Rodney grinned and bobbed his eyebrows.

Elizabeth squeezed her eyes shut. She really, really hadn't needed to see that. After a minute of silence, she judged it safe enough to open them again. Finally alone, she opened the bottom drawer of her desk.

Forget about waiting for the report. She was breaking out the chocolate now.


End file.
